funk industry

yes, i really am that desperate in my quest for 1000 posts that i'm 

shamelessly plugging music i've never heard by a man i've never met.

mind you, the music is by somebody who has been following my blog for a long time.

( in fact he was one of my competition winners last year )

hmmm...

 now i'm going to take a break and listen to the music as it just occurred to me that

i can't do much of a post without listening to the music and giving my thoughts...

in the meantime, the name of the band is funk industry and you can listen to

clips from the two tracks on itunes.
( or even buy them for 79p a pop )

ok, i've just listened to the two clips on itunes and here's what i reckon.

track 1: make it funky.
it seems to me that this is a mixture somewhere between an old giorgio moroder
tune from the 80's ( you know, like on the midnight express soundtrack)
and a daft punk kind of tune.
i like it. i think it would be good to listen to while running, and i definitely
think it would be good to play while you're driving on a motorway at night.

track 2: on the edge.
i won't lie. it sounded exactly the same to me.
once again i reckon it would be good to play while running
( maybe while running away from giorgio moroder's lawyers ? )

if i had a criticism or could offer advice...
i would find the second tune a lot more agreeable if it had some film
dialogue samples mixed in there. you know, like b.a.d. used to do.
see also the cops and robbers mix of 'stem' by dj shadow
( which samples dialogue from the film 'heat' )

also a bloke named alan black does something similar mashing up
tunes with film dialogue.

i'm sure it's a bit on the illegal side to sample actors voices and film snippets
but for me it adds a certain something to an instrumental.

maybe a way around this for funk industry would be to come to n7 and
record me saying some of my catch-phrases* and to sample them over an
instrumental track ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xm635QeTM0

http://www.alanblack13.com/AlanBlack13/CrippleCrabCrutch.html

* choose from the following:

flat white please

is there any chance ?

what the what ?!

magic darts !

have you got this in an 8.5uk ?

i"ll do the jokes

leave it

outstanding !

like a boss

and many more.

staff meals

i do quite a lot of shoots in restaurants.

my favourite things about restaurants are:

1. getting asked if i'd like a coffee

2. chatting to waiters and waitresses

3. getting asked if i'd like another coffee

4. finding the best place for a self-portrait

5. seeing what the staff meals are like

seeing as most of my ideas for a silly exhibition or book seem to get 

done by somebody before me, i'm thinking about doing a little feature on 

staff meals. what do you reckon ?

here are some staff meals at a place i photographed last week.

1

sausage beans and chips. good choice.

2

same again but with a bit of stew, some rice and a boiled egg.

i always like to see rice and chips on the same plate so i'm giving this one the

benefit of the doubt.

3

cornflakes !

this must be a girl.

4

good example of teamwork here. getting your colleague to pour tomato

sauce from an industrial size bottle onto a plate containing sausages

and yessss... skill... chips and rice.

excellent !

5

hmmm... stew, sausage, beans, chips and rice...

full house !

6

is there any chance ?

my diet is notoriously odd but what the what ?!

2 boiled eggs and 5 jockeys.

sort it out napkin girl.

and no kidding, by the time i put my camera away and got to the back of the queue

all that was left for me was a handful of chips...

excellent !

denied

i was denied a self-portrait in w1 yesterday evening.

you know i always like to knock out a self-portrait when i'm shooting interiors, right ?

sadly this place was tiny, so i had no chance.

plus there was a p.r. girl there to keep an eye on me at all times.

hmmm...

as you know, i'm having my annual struggle to reach 1000 blog posts in a year

so you can imagine how irked i am to have missed a chance of a cheap post.

so...

from now on i'm going to have a stand-by post ready.

if ever i can't manage a self-portrait on a shoot, i'll replace it with a

new feature:

the first frame i took on the shoot.

( whatever - ed )

and here it is... the first frame i took on my shoot yesterday evening.

on the right, some kitchen staff tidying up the place for me

on the left in the background one of those yellow signs you put on slippery surfaces.

( i always think of them saying "caution... john terry" after his famous penalty miss )

oh and on the left, the p.r. girl.

she was a very nice girl and though we only just met, i must say i very much like

three things about her.

1. she shared my dislike of bristol

2. her hair was the same colour as the rusty tiles on the back wall

3. we both had tales of spectacle-wearing haplessness.

more from this exciting new feature to come during the rest of the month !

margaret howell tie

this is how my blog works.

sometimes i come home after a shoot and slip a couple of photos straight into a blog post.

some times i buy, get given or find something and keep it to one side to 

photograph and make a blog post with.

this year i have put together a whole bag load of stuff to photograph and only now have i 

started to wade through it and start blogging.

it's so bad, that although i do remember who gave this to me

i have no idea why it was given to me.

it must have been for a good deed or something but you know me...

doing good deeds is not exactly my style.

as gooner jeff would say "i haven't got a danny la rue"

anyway, here's a quick post to help me on the way to 1000.

this is what i was given

very nice.

and the reveal

yep... a really nice margaret howell tie.

i have a wedding to go to on 12-12-12 so maybe i'll debut it then ?

 thanks to m1 for the fine gift and also for the cheap blog post.

( if you happen to read this please send a text and let me know what i'd done to 

deserve such a present )

cheers

señor december

here he is, mr december on my dictators of the world calendar...

augusto pinochet of chile

unveiling my dictator of the month has been one of my favourite blog posts

throughout the year.

i wonder if i'll get a new calendar for 2013 ?

and if so, what will the theme be ?

hmmm...

coffee loyalty cards

another cheap blog post.

do you have any coffee loyalty cards ?

i have a few in my wallet.

but i never seem to take advantage of them and claim a free coffee anywhere.

i've had the full card for espresso room for over a year now and have never

been to claim my free beverage.

foxcroft and ginger and the department of coffee are both almost done too.

maybe i'll fill them up and give them away as christmas presents ?

what ?

good dentist, bad dentist.

i know it's not much of a blog post, but bear with me...

i'm trying my best to reach 1000 posts in 2012 and i'm kind of struggling

( as you can see )

i've been sorting out my hampsteads recently and i have what can only be

described as a good cop, bad cop dentist and assistant.

they are both eastern european ladies and our appointments so far have generally

followed this routine:

dentist: ( looking at my teeth ) "you have been a bad boy"

she then pokes at my gums with a sharp stick or something

me: "grrraaaarghh"

assistant: "you are a brave boy"

this is followed by more scraping and poking with sharp things, me gripping 

the handles of the chair so tightly that they are now like moulds for my germans.

further gurgling and "grrrraaargh"-ing from me and more

"you are brave boy" from the assistant.

they then take it in turns to ask me "are you smoking ?"

biting my tongue i answer "no, but i drink too much coffee"

and the dentist replies "no... no you don't, you are good boy"

i swear there are hidden cameras in the room and i'll be on some cheap-ass

tv show soon.

but still... my hampsteads are getting better and i'm quite good at doing eastern

european accents now.